Friday, June 18, 2010

On Vacation

"A writer never has a vacation. For a writer, life consists of either writing or thinking about writing."

~ Eugène Ionesco

Vacation. What a glorious word. This week I’ve been on vacation with my family. Not going to my usual IT job, not spending much time at home, mostly. But do writers ever really take vacation? I tend to agree with the quote I chose to open this blog posting. I think us writer types are always writing even when our hands are not clutching pens or tapping away on keyboards—or at minimum we’re always gathering new material.

One of my work colleagues recently asked me where my writing ideas come from. I’m not entirely sure, but for me finding new ideas is in part just a process of living day-to-day and accumulating new experiences (or reliving old ones) to add to the memory banks. There they can be mulled over immediately or added someplace into the subconscious where eventually they might find their way either intact or modified into some new form onto the written page by my writer’s mind.

Some of my recent vacation activities/experiences/writing exercises:

· Attended two weddings and a graduation party.

· Woke to the patter of north woods’ rain on a cabin roof with the ghostly calls of loons echoing across the nearby, misty lake

· Had a conversation with a U.S. artillery engineer about his day job.

· Started a fire with which to char marshmallows.

· Wondered where all the convoys of Humvees were going off to.

· Passed a town in Iowa called Hope. The bright orange sign over its exit read “CLOSED.”

· Rescued a recklessly ambitious turtle from atop a five-foot tall rock wall. Avoided being peed on by same turtle. Apparently a one-pound turtle is made up of about 14 ounces of pee.

· The following day watched 180(!) kids compete in a turtle race. Was sorry I’d let the previous turtle go—he would have made a helluva racer.

· Watched skeptically from a beach chair as my 7-year-old son declared he was going to catch frogs. Became a believer when he kept running back to my chair eight times, insisting that I take a picture of each frog, and that I say goodbye to each one of them before he’d let them go.

· Chatted with someone who was once offered John Wayne Gacy’s business card. (OK, that was slightly before my vacation, but it’s freaky enough I won’t forget it soon.) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Wayne_Gacy

· Learned of antique fishing lures with names like “The Ghost” and “Baby Tom” and “The Luminous Flying Hellgrammite.” (The last is my favorite and I think perhaps would make a good superhero name)

· Swam. Paddled both a canoe and a kayak. Rowed a boat.

· Drove a go-cart: came in second place, being unable to pass only the 15-year-old girl with her streaming copper-blonde hair that looked like speed-induced flames as I ate her dust. She will be a terror when she gets her driver’s license next year, but no cop will be able to catch her. NASCAR scouts would be wise to seek her out.

· Read “Breathless” by Dean Koontz and “Percy Jackson & The Olympians; The Lightning Thief,” by Rick Riordan. http://www.percyjacksonbooks.com/
Both good reads that I’d recommend.

· Witnessed a man (who physically reminded me of Fred Flintstone) consume a 34-ounce porterhouse steak (bronto-steak?) to the euphoric adoration of his four children. He got a free t-shirt out of the deal. In the meantime, I sulked at my corner table being scorned by my family for my inability to finish my 8-ounce burger.

· Tried a half dozen new wines. After enough wine my writing ideas take on a different flavor.

· Was given the honorific title of, “best guy ever” (their words, not mine) by a swarm of children that watched me land a bass of maybe 2 pounds on a sunset dock. They rushed in asking questions like, “Does it have a tongue?” and “Are you going to eat it?” Once I unhooked the fish and showed them that it did indeed have a tongue I perplexed them greatly by letting the fish go. The fish on the other hand, enjoying his freedom, I believe agreed with my new title.

So those tidbits are the things I remember from this brief vacation—and I’m sure there are many more now lurking in my subconscious. These experiences have been added to my brain and are waiting there, composting, until ready to make an appearance somewhere on one of my future written pages.

In the meantime here’s hoping that you, writer or not, manage to squeeze in a vacation or at least some relaxation & fun into your summer.

Mark

Too much work, and no vacation,


Deserves at least a small libation.


So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses,


Work's the curse of the drinking classes.


~Oscar Wilde

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

So if I had to choose my own name…

Hello everyone, it's Hump Day, and you know what that means, right?

No?

You don't remember a few months back when I said I was going to make a “Hump Day Surprise” post on every Wednesday?

Well, really, who can blame you? I mean, I had the best of intentions but then craziness ensued, and then laziness followed, and I think you get the idea. So, from now on, I think I'm going to put extra emphasis on the “surprise” part and just leave you all guessing as to when I'm actually do get around to doing one of these.

Now, having said all that, onward!

I recently came to the conclusion that I need to choose a pen name. It isn't something I ever thought I would do, but an unexpected need for anonymity has conspired to make me think otherwise. No, it's not that I'm afraid that someday in the distant future some crazy fan will track me down, rather, I need to keep my work life and my writing life separate.

Now, you would think that having a day job and writing on the side wouldn't be mutually exclusive, but you would be wrong. You would also think that your coworkers would be supportive of your extracurricular endeavors in the same way that they are supportive of other people's need to spend time with their families, but you would be wrong about that as well. You may have a different experience, but I have discovered, quite unexpectedly, that having an active, social media presence unrelated to my day job can be a liability.

Hence: pen name.

And now that I'm done bitching, here's the fun part! I need to choose a pen name. Most of the ones I've thought of so far are variations on my own name and mash ups of my last name with my wife's. Here's a few:

Sean Patrick
Patrick Shawn
Sean Raelin
Patrick Raelin

And you can get a whole bunch more variations by switching Sean with Shawn and Raelin with Raelyn.

I think I have a favorite but I'm curious, what do you think?

Friday, June 11, 2010

One Wedding 4 POVs


One Wedding 4 POVs

Here are four special blog entries in honor of Jon & Ela’s recent marriage. May it be filled with joy, fantasy and only the right amount of zombies.

Mark, Claudia, Shawn & Lisa

From the Journal of Beryl Kodiak:

Who knows what these Insiders will think of next.

It's not good enough for them to squat in the woods like everyone else does. Nope, they gotta make a fuss about toilets and toilet paper and air freshener.
And it's not good enough for them to root about for grubs and acorns and roots like most everyone else, or to take the rabbit raw in your munching jaws. Instead, they've got to braise and steam and bake and blanch and dress and marinade and roast and grill and, well, you get my meaning, right?
And it's not good enough for them to sit on the fair green ground on the sweet sighing trees. They've gotta build fantastical castles with ornate desks and credenzas and patios for to suck their fire sticks on. They lose their fur and then they need fireplaces and shawls and wraps and neck strings and pink and blue pocket hankies and I'm not even gonna mention the shoes...
Nope. All of that would be odd enough, but listen: going into heat and making babies out in the open air apparently isn't good enough for them either. They gotta get the whole community to agree. And they gotta do it inside. And they gotta talk and talk and talk about it. It's called a Wedding.
Bat Scat. They are Weird! I'll never figure them out. Not if I live four lives, I won't.
But you wanna know what the Best Thing was?
The Best Thing Ever?
I'll just say this, if anyone ever invites you to a gathering where there will be a Cupcake Tree,
no matter how Insiderly that person might be? Do not think. Do not ponder. Just say YES!
I ate the whole thing. Every single one of those scatting cupcakes. My Dirt Clod, were they good.
I'm not sure what all happened after that, coz just as I was finishing licking the frosting off my nose, they ran me out of the place.
No matter, my tummy was nice and round.

(By Lisa Bergin)

Ela & Jon’s Wedding as reported by Tea Leaf

Airelai crossed over to the window, pushed the panes open, and looked out onto a cobblestone plaza filled with busy people passing between the sea of four and five story buildings that spread out in all directions. She placed her thin, elvish arms onto the sill and leaned out far enough for a puff of wind to catch her silver white hair and blow it across her dark oval shaped eyes. It was one of those perfect, pre-Darktime days where the Father's stark, blue white rays hammered down past the Mother's giant auburn crescent and promised of the cold that was soon to come.
A familiar buzz rushed past her head and she smiled in response. “Tea leaf?”
“Hi, Air!” a tiny, high-pitched voice said from somewhere above her. The buzz raced down to an abrupt stop and Airelai blinked at the tiny fairie’s sudden appearance. Tea Leaf's miniature, elflike body was no taller than the length of a human hand but her silver, dragonfly like wings stretched twice again that distance. She hovered in the air with an effortless grace.
Airelai smiled as she asked, “Where have you been, Tea Leaf?”
“Wedding,” Tea Leaf replied with a nonchalant kick of her legs.
Airelai asked, “Whose wedding?”
“Jon and Ela.”
“I don't know them, do I?”
Tea leaf shook her tiny head. “Me think not.”
“How do you know them?”
“Me not know Ella much, but Jon my critiquer!”
“Critiquer.” Airelai mused over the word. “Is that some strange human thing I haven't learned of yet?”
Tea leaf crossed her twig like arms over her chest. “Me not tell. Faerie secret.”
“Fine,” Airelai said with a smile. “Tell me about this wedding.”
Tea leaf threw open her arms and pirouetted in the air as she said, “Wedding beautiful! Ella dress like snow on illiana leaves.”
“Sounds pretty. What about Jon?”
“Nice uniform,” Tea Leaf said as she puffed out her chest. “Big smile. Jon tell funny stories about working in store. Ella is smelly and fits in his arm.”
Airelai was aghast. “Tea leaf! That's not nice!”
“What not nice?”
“You just said the bride was smelly.”
“Jon said it good smell.” Her brow furrowed as she said, “Like breakfast maybe. Me not remember.” She brightened suddenly, adding, “Jon big fan of Captain America! You know Captain America?”
“I know a Captain Hengest,” Airelai said thoughtfully.
Tea leaf shook her head. “Not same Captain.”
Airelai said, “Tell me more, Tea Leaf. Were there many guests?”
“Many!”
“And how did they look?”
“Amazing! Specially back corner table.” Her tiny cheeks blushed red as she added, “Boys very pretty.”
Airelai grinned as she asked, “Don't you mean handsome?”
“That too!”
“And the ladies?”
“Beautiful!” Tea Leaf said with an enthusiastic sigh.
“Was there food?”
“Oh, yes!” The little faerie began to buzz about as she said, “Wines and fishes and vegetable and cow but best part-”
Airelai interrupted, “What is cow?”
Tea leaf was crestfallen. “You not want hear best part?”
“I do, but what is cow?”
Tea leaf wrinkled her nose. “Big stinky thing. Much drool.” Her face lit with excitement as she asked, “Now tell best part?”
“Yes. Now you can tell me the best part.”
Tea leaf threw her arms wide as she shouted, “Giant cake cup tree!”
“Cake cups?”
Tea Leaf dreamily hugged her arms to her chest as she said, “Giant cups of soft with sweet on top! Me never got to soft. Got full eating way through sweet!”
Airelai laughed. “It sounds like you had a good time.”
“Me did,” Tea Leaf said with a self-satisfied nod. “Me think Jon and Ela make a good team.”
“I'm glad,” Airelai said with a warm smile for both her little friend and the newly wedded couple.
Tea Leaf returned her smile, bent forward in a quick, little bow, then began to drift away.
Airelai asked, “Leaving already, Tea Leaf?”
“Sorry. Me can't stop. Belly full of sweet!”
“Get out of here then,” Airelai said, laughing. “Go work it off.” She turned from the window, shaking her head. Tea leaf was always having one crazy adventure or another.
“Seamus?” She called.
“Yes, darling?” A rich, human voice answered from the next room.
“Do you know a Captain America?”

(By Shawn Enderlin)

The Right Choice

It happened right after they cut the cake. Ela and Jon were about to return to their sweetheart table to enjoy their first marriage slice, when someone stepped on Ela’s train.
“Dude, you’re stepping on my dress,” she said, and turned.
It was a zombie: the vanguard of the horde yet to come. How it’d gotten in wasn’t discovered until much later, after all the bodies were burned and the married couple had enjoyed their first dance. Wanting to provide salmon as a fourth dinner option for their guests, Jon and Ela had needed to cut corners somewhere, and unfortunately hired what turned out to be a sub-par zombie guard unit. Some guy named Zeke, who’d been stationed at the loading dock, had apparently set down his rifle in order to light up a smoke. It was the last thing he ever did.
“Shit,” said Ela, and in one smooth movement, she dropped her dessert plate, grabbed the cake knife with both hands, spun gracefully in her dress and lopped off the vile thing’s head.
“See,” said Jon, who hadn’t moved throughout the entire exchange, and in fact still maintained his grip on his cake plate, “I told you the jumbo knife was the right choice.”

(By Claudia Hankin)

Wedding Crasher

There is no time for this, her angels whispered to Noel.
She ignored them. She couldn’t resist.
She had seen the ladies in their elegant bridesmaid’s dresses on the balcony as she cut through the Minneapolis park. The men in their black tuxedos. A wedding party. She entered the building with the sign “The Woman’s Club of Minneapolis” through a back entrance. The lower levels were silent and decorated in ivory paint and old paintings, the curtains around the tall windows reminding her of French vanilla frosting on a celebratory cake. Etta James’ “At Last” rose and swelled upstairs, the sound filtering down the empty wooden staircase and she followed it.
She snuck through the vacant dining hall where just moments ago people had dined on sumptuous salmon in a dill béarnaise sauce and steaks the size of her foot. Her stomach growled. She hadn’t eaten all day. She noted a lone white frosted cupcake with a trio of raspberries on it, the last dessert in the otherwise empty cupcake tree. She cupped it in her hands and stood at the back of the group of partiers, their backs all to her, focused solely on the bride and groom as they held each other on the dance floor, the bass of the music thrumming along.
“The first dance,” she said to herself and felt giddy, felt for a moment like a normal sixteen-year-old girl. She squeezed next to a clutch of women in their 20s and 30s all gathered in the doorway watching the couple. They looked at her briefly and smiled in amusement, then returned their attention to the dancers. Noel had to look out of place in the crowd of gaily-dressed couples, her black and red hair askew, her t-shirt and short black skirt still damp from the rain earlier this afternoon. She didn’t care; she leaned in closer to get a look at the new husband and wife as they danced.
They were a handsome couple as they moved around the dance floor amidst the circle of adoring friends and family. The bride had short black hair topped with a white lace ribbon, her cream-colored dress spilling around her petite frame. Gorgeous. The tuxedoed groom with his pink pocket square looked happy but focused on the rehearsed dance moves they executed beautifully together. The groom was also dark-haired and something about the upright way he carried his shoulders as they danced made him look a bit like, well, like Superman. Strong, caring, just the sort of man she hoped she could find someday. Years from now, perhaps, when all of this was over. When she could go back and try to put together the pieces of her broken life. Oh to dream.
“…then the spell was cast. And here we are in heaven….” Etta James crooned.
Above the couple, like a million miniature shining stars that only Noel could see, amidst the glowing flame tipped bulbs in the medieval looking chandeliers hanging above the dance floor, floated the Hafaza. Guardian angels. They were drawn to times and places of great happiness. The glowing beings smiled and circled above the couple, an infinity of glowing lights. This wedding was indeed blessed.
A dark shadow passed over Noel and a deep gravelly voice whispered behind her, “Found you. Time to go.”
She didn’t bother saying anything to acknowledge Blackheart’s dark looming shape. She might get away with lingering at the back of this happy crowd of partiers, but if people noticed him it would wreck the whole celebration. Noel turned, her fleeting fantasies of marriage and future happiness dissipating. Back to the task at hand.
“Can’t blame a girl for dreaming,” she sighed, following after his tall, gloomy frame.
“The hell I can’t,” Blackheart grumbled. “We got places to go, demons to kill.”
She paused for just a moment and looked back, watching as the bride and groom ended their first dance in an embrace and a kiss and the applause of their loved ones. For just a moment longer she dreamed she was the bride, there on the dance floor. One day.
Then she turned back into the darkness of the summer evening, following after Blackheart. Getting into his Firebird she took a bite of the delectable cupcake. To her it tasted like true love.

(By Mark Teats)

Friday, June 4, 2010

CHEERS!

I FINISHED MY FIRST DRAFT! Woo hoo! It's around 140,000 words, and, holy mokers, it's a story! It's also a mess. I'm sure you'll hear all my fine opinions on revising in the upcoming months. But for now? Celebration. Pride. A Tattoo. (My congratulatory present to myself). And of course, a toast. Here's the easy-to-make margarita punch that will make you the hit of every summer barbeque. So raise a Cuban Pete with me (or the non alcoholic bevvie of your choice), to that first big step in a whopping goal. To my Scribblerati, and all you other writers who've been there before, I'm impressed. To you.

Cuban Pete
(Named for the Louis Armstrong song)

Add 1 large can frozen limeade to a bowl
Refill empty limeade can 3 times:
Once with tequila, pour into bowl
Once with Sprite, pour into bowl
Once with Corona, pour into bowl
Stir. Add ice.
Salt rim of glass, fill glass with ice. Ladle punch into glass.
Garnish with lime.
Summer in a glass.
You're welcome.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Canned!

Hey everyone! In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been around in a while. No Hump Day Surprises – nothing! Why? Well, life has been interesting.

The reasons for my hiatus are wide and varied. To start with, there was all kinds of day job interference. Then there was planning for vacation, vacation, and… something else. What was it? Let's see … oh yeah! I was canned from my day job last week. Yep, fired. Shown the door. Tossed out on my – ahem.

Being canned has been a mixed blessing. Like most writers with a day job, I've always dreamed of having an extended period of time to work on my book. I can't tell you how many times I’ve sat at work, wishing I was at home working on my book instead of whatever it was I was doing. When I was canned, one of the first thoughts that went through my head was, ‘Fine! At least I'll be able to go write!’

So that's exactly what I've been doing.

I've always had the notion that if I ever had a solid block of writing time I would really crank things out but this is the first such opportunity I've been given.  The results have been astonishing. In the past two weeks I have completed somewhere between two to three months worth of work on my WIP. It's truly amazing.

Kicking ass on my WIP isn't the only nice thing about being unemployed. The weather here in Minnesota is absolutely fantastic right now. I’ve been eating my lunch out on the deck, opening the windows to hear the birds sing and – gasp – I’ve actually had the time to read something other than comic books! It has been blissful. The only thing that could make it better would be if I could walk over to the money tree and pull off a 10 spot to pay for the martini I’m was thinking about making later this afternoon.

You see where this is going, right?

The other experience that unemployment has given me is an appreciation for my day job. Don't get me wrong, I would be more than happy to sit home all day and write, do the grocery shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, you name it, but that particular job pays for shit. Even if, say, nine months to a year down the road I actually get published, it’s extremely likely that job would still pay for shit. And in the meantime? My not working would mean no comics, books, or music, not to mention what it would do to the budget for everything else.

So, like it or not, I'll be going back to work as soon as I can find a job. It will be hard to go back to snatching an hour here and there to work on my WIP, but that’s just the way it will have to be. And, in a way, I’m ok with that, because life wouldn't be any fun without comics, or books, or music, or nights out on the town with my lovely wife.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Wiscon and Philosophy

Two weeks from now, I will be in Madison for Wiscon, the Feminist Science Fiction Conference. Going to readings and getting writing tips from the pros. Selling my freaky woolen creatures (hopefully). Staying with my best friend, which means learning new hooping tricks and playing (losing) endless geeky girl strategy games. Yup: my own version of heaven. And it's within driving distance.

One of the things I'm excited for this year is the free writing workshop Wiscon offers. I'll be getting my first 10,000 words critiqued by a small group of fellow as-of-yet-unpublished writers and an author. I've done this once before, two years ago. Here's where I was in the writing process at that time: I'd taken a Loft Children/Young Adult writing class; had a complete draft, with at least one full revision done; I'd gotten positive responses from my fellow classmates and instructor; my mom loved my story (cue flashing red warning lights.) I was ready to send my baby out to the world of agents. She was so cute, who wouldn't snap her up for a nice cuddle?

I sent out four queries.

All rejected within a couple days.

And then I went to Wiscon, and discovered the novel was not, in fact, ready for mass consumption. My pacing was off and, lo and behold, I wasn't writing for Young Adults like I'd thought. I was writing for Middle Graders. I got lots of great advise from the other writers, and the professional. And I've taken that advice and run with it. Plus, I've also taken another Loft class since then, this one focusing on Science Fiction, and I've improved the novel through two sets of revisions with my fancy schmancy super duper writing group. I know it's better. Much, much better.

So, I've been feeling the urge to start looking up agents again. But, this time, I'm going to wait until after Wiscon to send off any queries. Hopefully, I'll get feedback that assures me that it's just about time. And if not, well, I'll most certainly like the novel even more once I'm done working through whatever suggestions I'm given.

One last tidbit, to tie in with my last post. In the previous Wiscon writing workshop, the pro (again, who gave me tremendously useful advice overall) wondered if I needed the philosophy. Couldn't I tell the story without three teenaged pseudo-reincarnations of Plato, Thomas Hobbes, and Simone de Beauvoir? Maybe I can. But at this point, I still think the story is richer with the philosophical elements. I'm curious about any Wiscon feedback I'll get on this point.

Stay tuned.

Friday, May 7, 2010

This Sucks

"Don't say stinks, darling. If absolutely necessary, smells. But only if absolutely necessary." - Margaret Lord, The Philadelphia Story

Have you noticed how, on the Interwebbies, if you’re not fond of a film or book or song that someone else loves, you are a “moron,” and if someone else hates something you love, that thing “sucks?” (I’m using the most polite versions of the terms one stumbles across). What ever happened to celebrating variances in taste? What ever happened to the art of the thoughtful critique?

When we’re younger, sure, things we like are universally “amazing” and things we don’t like “blow.” Not only that, but when I was younger, I was mocked mercilessly for enjoying anything that was too popular (with the exception of those certain cultural tent poles that everyone MUST love, like Star Wars or Monty Python), or too cheesy, without being ironically so. I therefore kept my bourgeois opinions to myself, and instead touted the brilliance of your Akira Kurosawas and David Foster Wallaces. Also, I didn’t dare say I was bored, turned off or unimpressed with anything that had reached culty cool status, like the movie Blue Velvet or the graphic novel Watchmen.

What set me free: The band U2. I don’t like the band U2. There’s something about the repetitive thrum of guitar in the background and Bono’s wailing voice that sets my teeth on edge. Nearly every person (okay: male person) of my generation likes-to-WORSHIPS U2. In my early 20s, whenever I would tentatively state that I disliked the band, I was more often than not told I was an idiot, that I didn’t understand, that I was wrong. Like most people in their early 20’s I took this hard, until I had an epiphany: I started telling people that I fully understand that, yes, U2 is a band for the ages, but, well, gosh, I just don’t like them personally, and then I would proceed to explain why I felt this way. You know: I strove for a little more eloquence than "your band blows." This tact confused young U2philes, angered them, and then eventually shut them up. Also, it’s completely honest. There are bands out there that are truly terrible, and U2 is not one of them.

Likewise, in my old age wisdom, I proudly (and in some cases, sheepishly), proclaim my right to take pleasure in things that are geeky, cheesy, flawed, or, heaven forefend, insanely popular. I enjoy me some John Denver. I adore the movie Joe Vs. the Volcano. The Harry Potter series ranks amongst my favorite things in the universe. Whew. There. That was liberating. Liking these things doesn't make me stupid or tacky or a Philistine (okay, maybe a little with the John Denver); I simply now allow myself to enjoy some stuff that the little intellectual hipster voices in my head have heretofore pooh-poohed.

Fill up my senses like a night in the forest, baby.

That’s not to say I don’t think there’s a place in the world, or on the Internet, for criticism. As much as we writers often hate or fear it, it’s an essential part of art. Without a critical observer, what is art? It’s a whole tree/forest thing, to be sure. I welcome critique, of my opinions, and yes, even my own creations. Without my writing group, the Scribblerati, my novel wouldn’t be coming along nearly as well as it is. Thank you, gentle critic friends.

It’s the personal attack aspect that gets me down, and the black-and-whiteness of it all. I read the first Twilight book, and I pretty much detested it, but I know plenty of intelligent, well-adjusted women who find the series to be a terrific fantasy escape. They don’t “suck” for liking the books, but folks on the Intertubes might tell them as much.

So, maybe this “you suck for liking, or for not liking that” attitude floating around out there is due to the fact that most people leaving comments on the Internet are young, or perhaps it’s worse than that, perhaps anonymity is the death of graciousness. Whichever: It just makes me appreciate the rare insightful, fleshed out and civil critique all the more.