Oh... you're a WRITER.

There are so many clichés out there about writers, and about how people perceive writers. For a long time, I thought that most of them were untrue – that is until I started writing in earnest. Then some of them started to slide into place.

No, we’re not all outsized naked mole-rats, smelling of unwashed hair and swigging Jack Daniels while we listen to Mahler for inspiration – Telling our friends we’re writing the Great American Novel on our antique typewriter, while really we’re spending all our time anonymously posting vitriolic online diatribes about Stephenie Meyer.

That’s simply not true. I prefer Maker’s Mark.

Buh-dum-dump.

But really, now. Not one of my fine Scribblerati friends, nor I, fit that description. Well, to my knowledge. I don’t spy on them at home, after all. (Okay, now I just got an image of a tipsy Lisa cackling maniacally while typing EDWARD SUX in all caps on some tweener website, and the image is very funny.)

But I digress.

So, yes, some of the clichés are untrue, or untrue at least for my writer friends and me. I’m sure those people exist.

But how about the old trope that once you tell someone you’re a writer, one of two questions pops out of their mouth – 1) “Where do you get all your ideas?” and 2) “You’re not going to study me and put me in your book, are you?” – I used to think this was just the silly invention of screenwriters (Like the fact that people in movies and on TV almost never say goodbye on the telephone. Go ahead, check it out. They just hang up, knowing the conversation is done. People pretty much don’t do that in real life.) – but I’ve been asked both of these things quite a few times in the last several years.

"He didn't even say goodbye!"

To answer them, 1) I’ve always found this question very odd. I get my ideas from my brain. Like you do. (Click here for tonal context.) I, unlike some writers, have an excess of ideas. I am an idea factory. A good, sometimes great, idea factory, if I do say so myself. It doesn’t matter, of course, unless, until I actually finish something. People don’t want to read plot pitches and descriptions of futuristic societies; they want to read completed stories.

2) I will only study you and use elements of you to create a character if you are exceedingly bizarre and/or fascinating, and if you’re asking me that question, I’m sorry, but you’re probably not. (Wow, I sounded like Jon there.) Okay, that's a little unfair, and untrue. Of course writers draw on their interactions with other human beings to write believable characters, but I, in my admittedly limited experience - let's say I've created 50 characters in my lifetime thus far - have never based a character solely on one person. (Except, perhaps historical figures. But even then you're making a lot of it up, playing a part.)

But back to a cliché that I mentioned earlier… the idea that every writer aspires to write the Great American (or Irish, or Belgian, or whathaveyou) Novel. I don’t. I don’t need to be the next William Styron or James Joyce. Okay, maybe I’d take F. Scott Fitzgerald or Kurt Vonnegut Jr., but only because I adore their writing. But I’m not them, I know I’m not them, and not only that, I don’t have a burning desire to impress the world of academia with my writing efforts, nor to go down in the annals of time as one of the greatest writers who ever lived. Sure, I want stellar reviews, and I want to share my stories with millions of people and, naturally, make a lot of money doing what I love, but mostly, all I’ve ever wanted to do is entertain the nice people. (Click here for tonal context.)

And speaking of Mr. Vonnegut, I came across this quote today.

I then thought about what…was it Neil Gaiman? said was the best piece of writing advice he could give: “Finish something.”

The first quote is freeing, and the second is both frightening for those of us who haven’t finished a novel yet, and beautiful in its simplicity. Stop fretting over perfection, or failure. Finish it, finish it, finish it. Another cliché about aspiring novelists – we're forever working on that first novel, and never completing it.

For today, I’d like to combine those two ideas, and task myself to finish something creative that is NOT my novel. Finishing an artistic endeavor is immensely satisfying, and I think it fuels us creatively in all areas. A novel takes so long to write, that that satisfaction can only be taken in small doses (I finished this chapter! I finished this draft!), and as for the final word of the final page of the final draft? It takes years of mostly solitary effort. So, for today, I say finish a sewing project, a painting, a poem, a clay model, practice a monologue, do something, FINISH something artistic – no matter how good or how lousy it is, as Mr. Vonnegut would advise. Who's with me?

(As for me, I’m going to pounce on my Wonder Woman crop art. My progress thus far. Her skin, if you're wondering, is quinoa.)

Running with Geeks

My wife and I had the pleasure to attend WITS last Saturday night at the Fitzgerald Theatre in St. Paul. I have to say it was steeped in Geekiness from the get-go, complete with Tweets up on the big screen, an accordion player who knew “Smoke on the Water,” Neil Gaiman’s dogs and lots of other fun stuff. I believe one of the tweets described it as a “hipster sweat lodge” which seemed kind of appropriate. It was one of the more unusual shows I’ve gone to in a while, but I loved every minute of it.

In no particular order, here are some of the things I learned and bits and quotes I liked, all filtered and paraphrased through me, a slightly intoxicated writer/audience member. My apologies in advance for any inaccuracies—and for my inability to recall necessarily who said what when. Q (Claudia) from our very own Scribblerati was there too, as well as her musically gifted husband up on stage. Q please do pipe up about anything I missed or got wrong.

The host told an amusing story about John Clarkson, his invisible friend.

“Have an inner life that goes outside the lines.”

“Allow other worlds in.”

Neil Gaiman talked about how his novel “American Gods” (to be made into a TV miniseries soon) is about the “immigrant experience”

“Funny books take people places and have them see things with new eyes.”

“Geography Sucks”

As a child Neil Gaiman worried about Daleks. Who can blame him?

Neil says he has at least 7 unfinished story ideas in his head now. It sounds like he may work on his books for many years. This makes me feel a little better about my book in progress (also taking years and years)

Some people think you are a particular character in your book—but the truth is the author is ALL the characters in their book(s). You must connect with all characters as you write and give them some little part of your soul for them to come alive and be believable.

Neil read from “American Gods” (The “I believe” speech)

“There are no second acts in American lives.” F. Scott Fitzgerald (Wil Wheaton doesn’t believe this)

To succeed in writing you need other people/writers, hand holding and luck

According to Wil Wheaton the actors on the Big Bang Theory are not really nerds

Josh Ritter sang. I was unfamiliar with him, but really liked his stuff; he performed “Galahad” and “The Curse” and “The Temptation of Adam.” I was impressed by the way his songs all embodied stories.

Which monsters are these celebrities?

Marilyn Monroe = Cave Troll

Thomas Edison = Elf

Benjamin Franklin = Were Turkey

Emily Dickinson = Cthulhu

Josh Ritter = Elf Slayer

The form dictates the story

“Writing a novel is freeing. They don’t have to rhyme” Josh Ritter (song writer)

“Novels have to answer questions—songs don’t” Neil Gaiman

My personal bummer of the night: I failed to bring any device to Tweet with; also I did not win any Neil Gaiman honey during the Intermission

A good story (novel) resonates with other things you know and have read—but takes you someplace different

Neil Gaiman sang his song about Joan of Arc (I’m not sure of title)

Bigfoot has a facebook page. Friend him. He’s probably lonely.

“Believe in giant man-beasts. It’s OK.”

“Witchcraft is involved in Rod Stewart’s career.” Neil Gaiman

“Raising women is difficult.” Adam Savage (MythBusters)

“Liquid Oxygen is some of the scariest stuff on Earth.”

On the MythBusters TV show when nothing happens with one of their experiments, “it’s the scariest thing possible.”

Adam Savage is a bleeder. He also did the most awesome imitation of Gollum I’ve heard. Tremendously funny! Here it is: SavageGollum

Neil read his poem, “The Day the Saucers Came.” Awesome.

The show ended with a group sing along of “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.” I now get to say (like anyone in the audience) that I’ve sang with Neil Gaiman (as well as the other awesome people there that night).

My wife got to pet one of Neil Gaiman’s dogs. I did not. They didn’t even growl at me.

So what’s my point in all this? Thank God for writers, entertainers, comedians, thinkers, artists, people who think outside the box. This evening was a silly, fun romp and I’m glad we were able to attend. I heard somewhere that “Wits” was sponsored in part by the Minnesota “Legacy Act.” As a taxpayer in Minnesota I think it was money well spent. I find it hard to put a price tag on creativity and joy--and both were in high quantity at this event.

I was also inspired to dig out my copy of "American Gods" and get to reading.